I am half-sick of shadows
Jan. 22nd, 2007 10:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xaaraAlas, school has begun afresh. Sigh.
I don't actually have class on Mondays, so I worked all day instead. Normally I love it, but sometimes the nine-to-close makes me want to stab things, or cry. In that order.
I wish I could describe my mood. It's not bad--that's the wrong set of expectations and connotations. It's certainly not good. I think it's quiet. I think the snow put me in a quiet mood. I don't particularly want to talk to RL people, because when I do, they make noises that are speaking and all I can hear is the clamor of their voices. Their words mean little to me. I want to read forever, until all I can hear is the silence of the written word. I have no desire to discuss real things. I can't stand the thought of work, or of having to introduce myself in four separate classes tomorrow, of having to listen through four syllabi, of having to write down four sets of notes. The idea of it makes me nauseous.
It's not the people or the school. I like them. I am just very sensitive at the moment, physically sensitive to noise, to light, to motion. The more I invite upon myself, the more I withdraw. It's frustrating.
I'm probably just getting sick. This is often how I feel before the symptoms of illness set in, vague discomfort, de-synchronization with life. De-synchronization with myself. I'm not even sure why I'm posting this as I'm posting it, not sure whether it will help or only invite me to retreat further into myself. Hmm.
I don't actually have class on Mondays, so I worked all day instead. Normally I love it, but sometimes the nine-to-close makes me want to stab things, or cry. In that order.
I wish I could describe my mood. It's not bad--that's the wrong set of expectations and connotations. It's certainly not good. I think it's quiet. I think the snow put me in a quiet mood. I don't particularly want to talk to RL people, because when I do, they make noises that are speaking and all I can hear is the clamor of their voices. Their words mean little to me. I want to read forever, until all I can hear is the silence of the written word. I have no desire to discuss real things. I can't stand the thought of work, or of having to introduce myself in four separate classes tomorrow, of having to listen through four syllabi, of having to write down four sets of notes. The idea of it makes me nauseous.
It's not the people or the school. I like them. I am just very sensitive at the moment, physically sensitive to noise, to light, to motion. The more I invite upon myself, the more I withdraw. It's frustrating.
I'm probably just getting sick. This is often how I feel before the symptoms of illness set in, vague discomfort, de-synchronization with life. De-synchronization with myself. I'm not even sure why I'm posting this as I'm posting it, not sure whether it will help or only invite me to retreat further into myself. Hmm.