xaara

I was interviewed by CNN today re: Condoleezza Rice's senate hearings. Actually, I wasn't asked about the hearings so much as what my government class thought of them and of the 2004 presidential election. I said something quote-able and articulate (I think), but I can't remember exactly what it was as I said it sometime before nine in the morning and had not yet had my cup of coffee.

Later in the day, some of my friends and I were sitting in Health class and discussing what we found attractive about the opposite sex. I said hands and eyes because woah am I a sucker for the whole Bambi eyes thing; another girl said noses and backs; a guy said arms and some other things I'm not going to repeat here because they look irreversibly crude on paper--screen--whatever. Then, somehow, we started talking about what our ideal spouse/partner would be. My best girl friend said she wanted a guy with a wicked sense of humor who smiled a lot and was good with kids. I said something along the lines of a smart guy who appreciates British humor and likes word puzzles. And D started to say something, and then stopped, claiming that he was afraid we'd be offended. We assured him we wouldn't and finally managed to drag it out of him.

I want a sort of housewifey wife, he said. Someone I can take care of, someone who I can feel protective of. He was terrified that we'd...I don't know, string him up for saying that. We said that of course that's an okay thing to want--it's completely legitimate and not offensive at all.

But I was curious, so later I posed this question to three of my guy friends:

Do you think that the feminist movement has so redefined the popular view of a "woman's role" that women who would like to fulfill traditional mother/housewife roles and men who would like to singlehandedly support their families are less acceptable to society than they were pre-feminism?

The answers:

Guy 1: Frankly, yes.
Me: But then doesn't it mean that feminism as a movement sort of came around to bite women in the ass?
Me: I mean, it was originally about giving women the freedom to choose their lifestyles
Guy 1: Right.
Me: But now it seems to be more about forcing women to adhere to a different standard that's not necessarily superior to the first one
Guy 1: I agree completely.
Guy 1: The difference is one seems to imply some sort of inferiority to man, or so some women would have us believe.

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Guy 2: yes
Me: Then why the hell isn't anyone saying anything about it?
Guy 2: its not very PC
Guy 2: to say that
Me: True, but that's only because political correctness has been defined by a movement whose goals are now completely different from its original mission
Me: I mean, originally feminism was all about giving women the right to choose, and now it's about forcing women to choose non-"traditional" roles
Guy 2: well no
Guy 2: thats no what feminisim is about
Guy 2: but
Guy 2: like anything
Guy 2: the culture of counterculture
Guy 2: has become so mainstream
Guy 2: that its hard to be
Guy 2: "traditional"
Guy 2: the symbolism
Guy 2: is now
Guy 2: a cultural
Guy 2: societal
Guy 2: norm
Guy 2: and practice
Guy 2: and to not express those ideals
Guy 2: with
Guy 2: the proper form
Guy 2: is socially unacceptable

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Guy 3: if not less acceptable per se, it seems like you're not one of the "in" crowd if you do stay home and do that
Guy 3: so i think there's definitely some stigma
(…)
Me: It would be highly offensive to some people for you to say you'd expect that [housework, cooking, caring for kids, etc.] for your wife, though.
Guy 3: well
Guy 3: being european
Guy 3: it's completely normal and it's the way things work
Me: lol
Guy 3: and no one speaks out against it
Guy 3: because that's how it is
Guy 3: so i wouldn't expect my wife to per se...but i wouldn't think she would be doing anything wrong by staying home
(…)
Guy 3: there's absolutely nothing wrong in europe with the woman doing dishes, cooking, raising the kids, because that's how it's always been and no one complains
Me: Exactly
Me: And I don't have a problem with it
Me: But a lot of my female friends have a problem with my not having a problem with it
Guy 3: hehe i think it's good that you don't have a problem with it
Guy 3: i don't think a woman has an obligation to herself to go out and get a job
(…)
Guy 3: now of course if she doens't have any natural obligations [children] to attend to...i think women should be given all the same opportunities but judged on different scales when there is clearly a biological difference in ability from men

I guess if I were to sum up their opinions quickly, I'd say that they all believe that feminism has progressed to mean a great number of things that are not necessarily in the female gender's best interests. I'm still thinking about it, but for now, I tend to agree. Huh.

Oh, and if you have an opinion, I'd love to hear it. I sense an essay in the making.