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xaaraI've always liked keeping a journal, but now I actually think I love keeping one. And in two days, I'll have had this one for an entire year with very little in the forgetting to update department.
I love so much it scares me sometimes. I mean, I love myself; I love poetry; I love the way the sunrise looks in the winter; I love my friends; I love losing myself in The Clash or Beethoven's Fifth. I love tens if not hundreds of people. And I tell them that, all the time. I'm like the anti-Buffy.
It's not a religious love your neighbor thing, either. It's just an I love the world thing. An I love loving the world thing.
I'm pretty specific about what I love, but hugely varied. Like, I love thunderstorms in the summer but am rather ambivalent about them in winter. I love Whitman when I'm feeling introspective and moody, or when it's cloudy outside, or sometime past midnight. I love the Ramones when I'm cleaning my room or doing some other form of minor physical labor.
Sometimes I wonder whether this actually is love or whether it's just some sort of really intense liking, similar to the oft-remembered elementary school like like. Because people talk about love like it's this once-in-a-lifetime (or maybe, maybe twice-in-a-lifetime) thing. You're apparently supposed to love your family, but that's not real, hardcore love. That's more of the gummy obligatory kind, the sort that forces you to eat Grandma's spinach casserole even though you'd much rather just curl up in the corner and die quietly.
I suppose I know what they mean about the one love thing. I love My Guy (when I'm not busy hating his guts) in a way I don't really love anyone else. But I also love my best friend in a way I don't love anybody else; I love my computer in ways that I don't love any of my friends.
I don't think I really know what I'm saying, or even what I'm trying to say. I guess I'm just trying to figure out, in my usual write-away-and-soon-enough-you'll-find-something way, how I can stand to spread love over so many people, places, and things. How I can say I love Moose Tracks ice cream and then turn around and say I love Mom? How can I love playing Tchaikovsky and the next second love eating Subway? Is that natural? Am I just an unusually emotional person? Or do I just express my emotions more openly than most? Is this just me prattling on about something totally irrelevant?
Okay. In other news, I just put together an Amazon Wishlist. It's mostly for my reference, since I'm always telling myself that I'm going to buy books/CDs/DVDs and then forgetting what I want to get. If you have any reading material or music you think I can't live without, feel free to suggest it and I'll take a look.
I love so much it scares me sometimes. I mean, I love myself; I love poetry; I love the way the sunrise looks in the winter; I love my friends; I love losing myself in The Clash or Beethoven's Fifth. I love tens if not hundreds of people. And I tell them that, all the time. I'm like the anti-Buffy.
It's not a religious love your neighbor thing, either. It's just an I love the world thing. An I love loving the world thing.
I'm pretty specific about what I love, but hugely varied. Like, I love thunderstorms in the summer but am rather ambivalent about them in winter. I love Whitman when I'm feeling introspective and moody, or when it's cloudy outside, or sometime past midnight. I love the Ramones when I'm cleaning my room or doing some other form of minor physical labor.
Sometimes I wonder whether this actually is love or whether it's just some sort of really intense liking, similar to the oft-remembered elementary school like like. Because people talk about love like it's this once-in-a-lifetime (or maybe, maybe twice-in-a-lifetime) thing. You're apparently supposed to love your family, but that's not real, hardcore love. That's more of the gummy obligatory kind, the sort that forces you to eat Grandma's spinach casserole even though you'd much rather just curl up in the corner and die quietly.
I suppose I know what they mean about the one love thing. I love My Guy (when I'm not busy hating his guts) in a way I don't really love anyone else. But I also love my best friend in a way I don't love anybody else; I love my computer in ways that I don't love any of my friends.
I don't think I really know what I'm saying, or even what I'm trying to say. I guess I'm just trying to figure out, in my usual write-away-and-soon-enough-you'll-find-something way, how I can stand to spread love over so many people, places, and things. How I can say I love Moose Tracks ice cream and then turn around and say I love Mom? How can I love playing Tchaikovsky and the next second love eating Subway? Is that natural? Am I just an unusually emotional person? Or do I just express my emotions more openly than most? Is this just me prattling on about something totally irrelevant?
Okay. In other news, I just put together an Amazon Wishlist. It's mostly for my reference, since I'm always telling myself that I'm going to buy books/CDs/DVDs and then forgetting what I want to get. If you have any reading material or music you think I can't live without, feel free to suggest it and I'll take a look.
